“So, you ready for Monday?” I say, pulling the towel away from my nose to check that the bleeding has stopped.

“Yeah, I guess,” she says. Her voice is distant, and she doesn’t sound sure.

“Ty says the first week is always easy. Just syllabus review and expectations…all that,” I say, getting back up to my feet and walking over to stand behind her. Rowe’s entire body gets tense as soon as I get close. She’s moving the same picture to different spots on her board, like she’s not quite sure where this picture fits or belongs. “May I?” I ask, reaching my hand out to look at the photo more closely.

She hands it over and makes a tight smile. The picture looks like it’s a year or two old, because Rowe looks younger. I’d guess she’s maybe sixteen in the photo. She’s sitting on some guy’s lap, her arms around him, and her nose tucked into his neck. He’s smiling one of those genuinely happy smiles, and I’d make the same damned face if I were in his position. He’s wearing a baseball hat, and I can tell he’s just left practice or something because he has baseball pants on and they’re covered in dirt.

“Boyfriend?” I ask, just getting right to the point. Not really ready to know if that word is in the past or present tense.

She nods yes and takes the picture back from me, pinning it to the bottom of the board and leaving it there.

“One of your dad’s players?” I ask that, hoping she’ll answer the rest without me asking. But she doesn’t. She just nods again. The silence in the room is suffocating now, and I feel like an intruder, so I hold my towel up and suck in my bottom lip, giving myself some time to think.

“I’m gonna wash this for you. I’ll bring it back, okay?” I say, my feet slowly backing out of her room.

“You can keep it,” she says, but there’s something about the way her lips move that makes me feel like she wants to say more, so I pause. I’m standing here, in the middle of her room, looking into her eyes, and they make me want to cry. After a few long seconds, when she doesn’t speak, I turn and leave.

Rowe

The second he’s gone, the tears come streaming down my face. I hate these pictures. I hate them, but I love them. My mom told me not to bring them. “These things were best left at home,” she said. But I wanted them with me. I wanted Josh and Betsy with me, and not just in my head.

I hate you.

That’s all I write to Josh; I slam my laptop closed again and fall to my bed, curling up into a ball with my covers. When I hear Cass come in the door, I hold my breath, stopping my cries, until she believes I’m sleeping; she gets her keys and leaves me alone.

I slept the entire Saturday away. Of course, I only slept in fifteen or twenty minute fits. I wasn’t really tired, but my emotions were exhausted. Paige was out all weekend, which was a blessing. But when she rolled into our room on Sunday afternoon, she made up for all of the peace and quiet I enjoyed in her absence.

“I’m thinking of rushing Delta or Sigma. I like them both. Cass, what do you think?” I can tell Cass isn’t listening, and I know Paige is only going to ask again, but louder, so I decide to play defense.

“I think you should pick Sigma,” I say, not really having a clue what Sigma or Delta or any of the other goddamned annoying letters she’s been spewing for the last thirty minutes mean. Frankly, I want to set up appointments with every single one of McConnell’s sororities to warn them not to accept her, to let them know what a step down they would be taking in terms of their own personal standards. But I don’t. I don’t because I also would give anything for Paige to move out and leave Cass and me here alone.

“I think I’ll pick Delta,” she says, just to spite me. Whatever.

There’s a light knock on the door, but I’m the only one who hears it. It’s Nate. I know it’s Nate. I actually recognize his knock, which is dangerous and scary, and makes my heart feel panicky things that I don’t like. He knocks again, this time a little louder, and Cass stands up from her bed and walks over to let him in. Ty is with him, and I’m relieved.

“Hey, ladies. Your heroes have arrived,” Ty says, tugging on the loops of Cass’s jeans and pulling her onto his lap. She giggles when he does, and just watching them makes me smile. Everything is so…easy. I look at Nate, and he’s smiling just like I am when looking at his brother and Cass, and I wonder if he’s feeling the same longing and reservations.

“Took you long enough. I’m starving!” Cass says, grabbing her purse and looping it across her body. “We’re going to grab dinner at the cafeteria. You coming, Rowe?”