Nate backs away from me, until he’s straddling my knees, and he keeps his eyes on mine when he puts the tips of his fingers in the top of my panties, pulling them down the length of my legs, achingly slowly.

“Can I kiss you…here?” he asks touching his finger to the very edge of my pubic bone, so very close to where I desperately want him, and need him. My eyes go wide at his question. I’ve never been kissed…there. And I can’t mask my worry on my face that I won’t be…good…down there. “Please?” he asks again, the most unbelievably sexy smile stretching over his face. Dimples. I nod yes, and once again pull the pillow over my eyes.

He teases me at first, kissing the inside of each knee, and then my thighs. When I feel his hands push my legs wider, I start to think about shutting them, but then I feel the pressure of his tongue on my very center, and oh my god! It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, the way he tastes me and teases in just the right spot. Once again, my hips arch into him, and he lets out a faint chuckle, pressing the warmth of his palm flat against my abdomen.

When I feel his finger push into me, I pull the pillow from my head, reaching down to grab the strands of his hair, unable to stop the sensation taking over. I’m so full of need and want—I have become someone else entirely. As Nate stands back to his feet, I sit up at the edge of his bed and pull his boxers down completely, not wanting to wait any longer. I wrap my hand around him, and am bold enough to look. I want to know, no, I need to know how large he is, because I’m nervous, but not so scared that I want to stop. I. Never. Want. To. Stop.

“Let me just get something,” Nate says, walking over to his dresser drawer and pulling out the small foil packet. I watch as he puts the condom on, and I shift back in his bed so my head is once again on his pillow. Nate climbs back on top of me quickly, his hand holding himself so he can guide things to just the right position.

“I have to ask, one more time. Are you sure?”

“Nate, for the love of God, if you don’t have sex with me right now, I’m going to take care of myself,” I say, slapping a hand over my mouth I’m so shocked at my boldness.

Nate grins, and dips his head, kissing the top of my breast with his smile and laughter. “While I also wouldn’t mind watching that…I think I’d rather participate,” he says, kissing me gently as he pushes slowly inside me.

The stretch hurts at first. My body isn’t used to this, and I wouldn’t say my last experience was long—or enjoyable—but I want it to be different this time. I want it to be more, to be the way it’s supposed to be when you’re almost nineteen and in college.

Nate is slow and tender, never pushing into me completely. My eyes are closed tightly, and I’m sure I’m not making a pleasant face when he runs his fingers across my cheek, his lips brushing against the side of my face. “Are you okay?” he whispers, his forearms, biceps, shoulders—every muscle in his body fully flexed to hold himself back.

I say, “Yes,” with a short, fast nod, parting my lips, taking in a sharp breath. “Don’t hold back,” I say, cupping his face in my hands and looking deeply into his eyes. “I just need to take things slowly. But I want this, you…all of it.”

Nate’s eyes search mine, waiting for any hint of reservation as he lowers himself into me again, this time moving in deeper, until he reaches a point where he can no longer move inside me. The sensation makes him suck in a quick breath and close his eyes; my body ignites at the power I have over him. When he rocks back slowly and moves forward again, my hips circle with him, forcing him back in just as deep as he was before. “Jesus, Rowe,” he says, his teeth biting lightly at the skin on my shoulder.

We continue to move together, our rhythm slow, but growing with comfort every time we connect, until I finally feel something begin to build—a pressure, the most pleasurable pressure I’ve ever experienced. It’s almost like an itch, and every time Nate moves back from me, I’m overcome with this fear that if I don’t chase it—it will be lost. Need takes over, and I have to satisfy it, so I pull my knees up on either side of him and thrust my hips up to meet him. When I do, Nate pushes his hands deep into my hair and looks at me for approval.

I kiss him so hard the roughness of his stubble scratches my lips raw as he continues to push into me faster. I guide his hand from my face down the side of my body until he reaches my hip and the side of my leg. When our eyes meet, I nod yes again, begging him to be rougher with me, and he digs his fingers into the side of my flesh, pulling my leg up into his body, wrapping me around him completely. That feeling—the feeling of falling—is so close, and I keep stepping over the cliff, wanting to fall into everything, completely. I hold my breath and run my hands down the length of his stomach, then sides and back, until I’m pushing him into me with force, no longer able to contain the small whimpers leaving my lips.