“Stop. I’ll find a good one, then. I wasn’t trying to insult you. It’s just something we need to take care of and it’s non-negotiable.” She huffs out a breath and relaxes. “But it would be a lot easier if you just agreed to leave the loft.”

“I don’t have my ID. I don’t have a health card. And I don’t want to give my real name.”

I don’t know why, but hearing her admit that Blue is not her name stops me cold. I mean, I gave her the name. I know it’s not real. But somehow it slipped my mind. “What is your real name?”

“Blue,” she says, huffing out some air so that it blows her hair up above her eyes. “I like being Blue, so that’s my real name. What’s your real name?”

“Ark,” I tell her back. “I’m just Ark.”

“Ark is a weird name. What’s JD’s name?”

“He never said,” I lie, thinking about the day I met him outside the bus station. “So it’s never been anything but JD since I’ve met him.”

“I don’t need birth control, Ark.”

I close my eyes, immediately understanding, but not wanting it to be true.

“I don’t need birth control because I can’t get pregnant. So don’t worry about it.”

With most girls, I’d call that bluff. But I know it’s not a bluff.

We lie there in silence for a little while. Thinking about babies that will never be conceived. And fake names. About finding people when you’re not looking. About escaping the past and pretending there’s no such thing as a future. We live in the present for a few moments and then the contemplative mood breaks when the front door opens and closes.

“I’m back, asshole. And I got breakfast,” JD yells from the living room. Neither Blue nor I move as he walks into the bedroom. But JD can read us immediately. “What’s the matter?”

I unwrap myself from Blue and sit up. “Nothing.”

“What’s your real name?” Blue asks him.

“Huh?” JD smiles at her in that way he does. God, sometimes I wish could be him. Sometimes I wish I could let all this baggage go, and be JD. Cool. Fun. Charming. Beautiful.

Because JD has everything going for him. I’ve watched him sweet-talk girls enough to know. He’s exactly what they want. Add in the fact that he’s worth almost fourteen million dollars, and that seals the deal.

“James David,” he says, bouncing on the bed, making Blue and I bounce with him. He settles next to her and leans down for a kiss. She obliges him without even missing a beat. Their eyes meet before she closes hers, their lips touching as he sweeps his tongue inside. I should feel jealous, but oddly, I don’t. It makes me feel… content. “But I hate that name. My parents never called me that. It was always JD.”

And then he looks at me to see if I have anything to add. But fuck that shit. I’m not touching it. “What’d you get for breakfast?” I ask him instead.

“Bagels. Lots and lots of bagels. And coffee too. So we don’t have to drink that shit Ark calls joe.” And then he rips the covers off us in a whoosh and scoops Blue up in his arms. “Eat, shower, fuck. Those are my plans for today.”

Blue laughs as he carries her out the bedroom door. I follow along a few seconds later and find her sitting naked on top of the breakfast bar. “Brrrr,” she says, rubbing her arms.

“You need clothes,” I say, taking a coffee from JD and handing it to her. “How will you get clothes if you refuse to leave the loft?”

“I’ll shop for her,” JD offers. “I have excellent taste. I’ll go after we fuck.”

Blue laughs and shakes her head. But all I can think about is what he might do while he’s shopping. “I’ll go,” I offer up, taking a bagel and grabbing the cream cheese. “You can stay with Blue.”

JD scowls at me. “I said I’ll go.”

I hold my hands up, surrendering. “Fine. I’m gonna make Blue stay naked all day until you get back.” When I look over her, she’s chewing slowly, watching us interact.

“You do that. But tonight when we come home from work, and I’m ready for bed, while you have to stay up all night editing, she sleeps in my room.”

And then he winks at her. Knowing full well he just outlined a parameter of our budding relationship.

On nights we work, she belongs to him.

And we work more nights than we don’t.

So yeah.

He wins.

“What exactly do you guys do at… work?” Blue asks.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” I say quickly.

“What the fuck?” JD asks.

“What?” I ask back. “I don’t want her thinking about what we do.”

“Why?” Blue interrupts.

“Yeah,” JD says, all pissed off. “She already knows. That’s something I never understood about you, Ark. Why the fuck do you care what people think of our business?”

“It’s porn,” I say. Like, hello?

“So? Ray is the King of Porn here. And he never has a problem telling people what he does. We’re opening up our own site in a few weeks. There’s no way you’re gonna be able to rationalize it then.”

“I’m not worried about rationalizing it.”

“Bullshit. You hate the fact that we make porn. You’d rather do anything else, but you can’t because condos, and sports cars, and whatever you spend your money on, aren’t free. You’re only in this for the money.”