It all falls into place like the last piece of a mosaic.

“You thought I was having an affair?”

he nods. “Yeah.”

The world spins and I’m barely breathing. “how could you think that? how could you ever believe I would cheat on you?”

“There was a guy’s name in your calendar . . . and you lied . . .

.and I saw you hugging that man. how could you think I wouldn’t want a baby? Our baby?”

“You told me to have an abortion.”

his hands tighten around mine. “I would never say that to you.”

“You did. You told me to end it.”

he shakes his head and groans. “End the affair, Kate. Not the baby.”

My chin rises defensively. “But I wasn’t having an affair.”

“Well, I didn’t f**king know that.”

“Well, you f**king should have!!”

I tear my hands from his and push him on his shoulders. “God, Drew!” I stand up, needing to get away from him, because it’s all too much. “You can’t treat people like this! You can’t treat me like this!”

“Kate, I’m—”

I whirl around and point a finger at him. “If you tell me you’re sorry, I will kick your balls up into your eye sockets, I swear to God!”

he closes his mouth. Smart move.

I push my hair out of my face. And pace.

Am I supposed to feel better now? Because it really was all just a mistake?

If a house gets destroyed by lightning, do you think the owners are cheered by the fact that the lightning didn’t mean to strike their house?

Of course not.

Because the damage is already done.

“You ruined it, Drew. I was so excited to tell you . . . and now whenever I think about it, all I’ll remember is how horrible this has all been!” I stop pacing. And my voice trembles. “I needed you.

When I saw the blood . . . when they told me I was losing the baby . . .”

Drew reaches for me, still on his knees. “Baby, I don’t know what you’re saying . . .”

“Because you weren’t here! If you’d been here then you’d know, but you weren’t! And . . .” My voice cracks and tears blur my vision.

“And you promised. You promised you wouldn’t do this . . .” I cover my face with my hands, and I cry.

I cry for every second of useless pain. For the crevasse that’s still between us—and for the stupid choices that created it. And I don’t mean just his. I’m a big girl—I can take my share of the blame.

Drew may have pulled the trigger, but I loaded the gun.

“Kate . . . Kate, please . . .” he holds his hand out to me.

“Please, Kate.”

he looks shattered. And I know, then and there, that I’m not the only one who’s suffered.

Still, I shake my head. Because do-overs only exist in playground games. Real life doesn’t have take backs.

“No, Drew.” I turn my back on him and walk toward the car.

But I only make it a few steps before I pause and look back.

Can you see him?

On his knees, his head in his hands. Like a man waiting for the executioner.

When I think of Drew, two words always stand out: passion and pride. They’re ingrained. Who he is. Arguments, work, love— it’s all the same to him. Full steam ahead. No hesitation, no holding back. And Drew knows what he’s worth. he doesn’t settle; he doesn’t compromise. he doesn’t have to.

“Why are you here?” I whisper, so low I don’t know if he’ll even hear me.

But his head snaps up. “What do you mean?”

“You thought I cheated on you?”

he grimaces. “Yes.”

“You thought I could be in love with someone else?”

he nods.

“But you came . . . for me. Why?”

his eyes drift across my face. It’s the way he looks at me in the morning, when he wakes up before I do. It’s the way he watches me, when he thinks I’m not looking.

“Because I can’t live without you, Kate. I don’t even know how to try.”

I was in advanced placement English in high school. For weeks, we analyzed Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. In most of it, heathcliff is the villain. he’s ruthless, often cruel. And as a reader, you’re supposed to hate him.

But I never could. Because in spite of all his despicable actions, he loved Cathy so much.

Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you. . . . I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul! Some of you are going to say that I should’ve punished Drew more. But he’ll do a better job of that than I ever could. Others are going to say that I should’ve made him work for it more. But we all know that he would have.

And sometimes, forgiveness is selfish. We give it not because it’s earned, but because it’s what we need. To find peace. To be whole.

I can live without Drew Evans. I know that, now. But if given the choice?

I won’t ever want to.

There’s only a dozen steps separating us, and I run every one of them. I throw myself at him, and he catches me. he wraps his arms around me and holds me so tight, I can’t get air in my lungs.

But it doesn’t matter. Because Drew is holding me—who needs to breathe?

“I’m sorry, Kate . . . God, I’m so f**king sorry.” he sounds so forlorn.