“I know.” Anwyn rubbed her forehead. “But he needs things from me, too. And right now I'm going mad with voices in my head. Goddess, Daegan. I'm not prepared for this. I . . .” She grimaced, half laughed at herself, a note of despair in her voice. “You know, the first time he came here, I didn't even think about you being jealous. It's never been like that. I saw him . . .”

“And you knew he was yours.” Daegan slid fingers down her throat, rested them intimately in the soft pocket of her collarbone, tracing the pulsing vein above it, the soft skin. “As I knew you were mine. As you knew we were connected. These things aren't mutually exclusive in our world, Anwyn. You know that. If I envied him anything, it was the intimacy and trust you offered him so quickly, but another part of me wondered if you'd inadvertently found a bridge between us in this stubborn male.”

“You don't sound averse to the thought.” She cocked her head, feeling that tiny flame of hope again.

“You admire him. You . . . care for him.”

“Once we resolve your transition issues, Gideon's future will concern me far more than yours. You are uniquely prepared to be a vampire.” He held her gaze. “Trust me on that if nothing else. Everything you've been and done here has prepared you for it. The games of Dominance and submission you play, that we both know are far from being games, are what the world of vampires is. If you like, think of this as a training ground, and you have graduated. I think, in some respects, you will embrace that world in a way no forced vampire ever has, because it will call to something in your blood.” He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. “I wanted you as my servant, but in truth, perhaps what drew me to you was that you were a vampire in every other way but blood.” He shook his head at her amazed look.

“But as far as Gideon goes, the armor is cracking, Anwyn. I believe part of it may be his brother's transition and service to Lady Lyssa. It was a catalyst that gave him a different view into the vampire world, and yet he has made his life's work the eradication of vampires. Since that started with a loss from which I don't think he's ever fully recovered, he is at a dangerous turning point.”

“Yes,” she murmured, thinking of how she'd seen it, felt it from him in their brief session.

“You've always sought a man who possesses a strong will to fight you, as well as a desire to serve you.

You like that challenge. You were seeking the one who you could love and protect with all you are, the same gift he wishes to offer you, and the melding of the souls that can come from that. That is the true hope of the vampire-servant relationship. I saw the seed of that, the first time I saw you studying him, and I see the possibility for it in him as well, in the ashes he has made of his life.” She digested that, but lifted her gaze back to him. “What does that make you, Daegan? Why does it feel like Gideon is my heart, and you are my soul, and without either one of you I'm a shell?”

“It does my soul good to hear it,cher . As much as it pains me to say this. You must stop concerning yourself with his freedom.” Daegan paused, then spoke again. “He either belongs to you, or it ends for him.”

Alarm filled her at his tone, the brutal truth in his gaze. “What do you mean?” Daegan shifted. “I was supposed to terminate him last year. Then he started choosing his targets differently. I convinced the Council as long as he was helping me do my job, no matter how inadvertently, that I would monitor him and it could help us all. Fortunately, Gideon's connection through his brother to Lady Lyssa, who has great influence in our world, made many of the Council members want to avoid the consequences of taking his life. But Gideon's solitude, his insistence on making everything in his life about killing vampires, turned him down the wrong road again, very recently. The night he came to you, he killed a vampire who did not deserve his brand of justice. It has been reported to the Council, and therefore would have been his death sentence. The final straw.”

“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “There must be something else—” He placed fingers against her lips. “Because you have made him your servant, things are more complicated. As long as he stays your servant . . .”

“I'm his only hope of survival.”

“You may be his only salvation, in more ways than one.” Threading his hand in her hair, he massaged her scalp as she turned her head into the caress, seeking it like a worried cat. “I haven't told you this to put more pressure on you, Anwyn, but I know what kind of woman you are. If you will not fight for yourself, I know you will fight for another, with everything you have.”

“You knew that about him, too, when you planted the seed about being a servant.” She put her hand over his, her eyes searching his face in the semidarkness. Searching for truth from this complicated creature.

“I think you and he are well suited as vampire and servant, and I want what is best for you.”

“Daegan, why are you leaving?”

He shifted, meeting her eyes with unflinching intensity. “The truth is, you need me to serve as your sire and champion now, more than you need me as a lover. While you claim to have accepted it wasn't my fault, you aren't certain you'll ever be able to fully trust or open your heart to me, because of how it happened. Because of what we were before it happened. And what we were not. Am I wrong?” She wanted to deny it, but he could see in her mind, couldn't he? Of course, he'd said he wouldn't do that unless it was necessary. Either way, she couldn't deny it, though it made her throat ache, the inscrutable eyes that she sensed held so much of his own feelings about it. Five years . . . the deepest, most incredible relationship she'd ever had. Desperation gripped her, something slipping out of reach.

But then she focused on that smooth voice, and realized it was like a sealed Pandora's box, exploding with the pressure of so many secrets, but suspiciously well contained. Following her intuition, she really noticed the way his gaze dwelled on her face, how still the powerful body was. It was as if he had a leashed need that was quivering like a dog motionless at the end of a leash—while he put enough pressure on the collar to choke himself, straining for what he most wanted.

She thought again of the things they'd shared, small and large, like watchingThe Big Easy on a wide green park lawn under a star-filled sky. Their truth was in those small things. A few moments ago, he'd lightly touched her throat. When they slept together, he would do that, lay the pads of his fingers on her pulse, a constant provocative presence that followed her into dreams.

Yes, he was going to leave her. She could tell there was no way to change that right now. He did have the responsibility to the Council, but more than that, maybe he was right. Maybe she needed the space to think. But now she thought she knew what Gideon would have said to her, earlier, if she'd given him an opening.

Daegan might be leaving. But she damn sure needed to make sure it wasn't good-bye.

“So selfless.” Standing slowly, watching the way his eyes followed her up, she trailed her fingers along his knee, a slow provocation that drew his gaze back down to her touch. “A vampire takes what she wants.That's what you told me when you made me mark Gideon. But you haven't done that. You've always wanted me willing, but when I thought I was ready, all those months ago, you changed your mind.

Withdrew the offer. Never explained why.”

Her fingers drifted across to the other thigh, narrowly missing the pleasurable curve of testicles that stretched the denim. “Trust isn't all or nothing, remember? It's a matter of degrees. I think I'm right. I think I do know more about you than I ever let myself realize, Daegan Rei. I don't think you'll ever let me go, no more than you let me go when you disappeared those six months.” She leaned forward, knowing the robe gaped open, revealed the deep cleft between her breasts. It also cleverly parted along the knee, showing a silky length of thigh.

His gaze covered all those areas, then rose to her face. “Come back down here.” Her lip curved, a sensual taunt whose impact she knew well. His gaze went even more opaque. “I'm yours, right? I expect you could make me do whatever you want.” He executed that quick movement she could never follow, like the part in a movie where the vampire came out of the shadows, up against his victim's back before she even knew he was there. So frightening on the screen, so thrilling when it was him. He'd stayed in the chair, but his arms were banded around her waist, pulling her forward into him so her knees pressed into the seat between his splayed thighs. He pulled her down low enough to clasp her hips and fasten his mouth on her collarbone, pricking her sharply. As she gasped, he nudged her head to the side, giving him better access. Her body tightened at the sensual caress, grew heavier as he sipped at her skin, with a restrained fervency that almost overwhelmed her, the controlled ferocity to it.

Her nipples tightened where they rubbed high on his chest. She wanted his mouth to move down her sternum, to suckle each of them. He loved suckling her nipples, nursing her to climax.

Soon,cher. You tease me, you pay the price.

Taking advantage of my mind now?And yet she saw the clear advantage of it, the way she'd so quickly discovered it with Gideon. She couldn't blame him for embracing the temptation of it.

He dropped his hands to grip her ass, kneading under the thin satin, the silky friction waking erogenous zones all through her sensitive buttocks. His touch was rough, impatient, as if he was afraid of slowing down and becoming tender. That was all right.

I feel you, Daegan. I know you're in there, deep inside. You can fuck me like a whore, and I'll still cherish every touch, every demand, knowing how much you want me. You'll come back to me, because you're as much a part of us as we are of you.

He cursed, pulled her forward, his hard thigh between her legs, and now she dropped lower, rubbing her pussy against the denim, giving herself relief despite his warning growl.

“What do you want, Daegan?” she whispered. “Tell me.”

In the midst of such demand, his hesitation was unexpected. She tossed back her loose hair, and lifted his strong face to her. For once, he allowed her to see emotion in his gaze, and it took her breath, her heart.