Sebastian shot me a look, grudgingly responding. “Yeah, I remember. The news said it was the worst snow storm there in a hundred years.”

I nodded. “The way it came at our windshield . . . it was like this white tornado, and if you looked at it too long, you got dizzy,” I said. “And when we woke up the next day, there was ten inches on the ground. Remember, we had to trudge through the snow to get to a diner across the street and everywhere we looked, it was like a sea of white. It was so bright we had to put our sunglasses on.”

I said, “Nora’s like that storm. It’s like she came out of nowhere and knocked me off course. She makes me wild, like I can’t control myself. She’s this beautiful chaos, and I do want her, but you know I don’t like commitments. I can’t love someone and then lose them.”

He shook his head. “Sometimes you gotta take a chance and just go for it, Leo.”

“She saw me and Tiffani,” I said, cringing at the memory.

“Screwing?” he said tightly, shooting me a dirty glance.

“She may as well have,” I said, hating myself.

“She’s not like those phony girls you fuck. She’s my friend, and she’s good for us. Even Teddy likes her,” he said.

“Are you watching out for her like I asked?” I said, glancing at him before looking back to the road.

“I’ll always take care of her, asshole. I love her.”

I braked and pulled over to the curb. “What the fuck?” I said quietly, a quiet rage building in me as adrenaline raced through my veins, as sickening thoughts of Sebastian and Nora together ran through my mind. Furious, I clutched the steering wheel so I wouldn’t ram my fist through the dashboard. So I wouldn’t ram it through his face. And here’s the thing: I had no right to feel that way. None. She was not mine. I’d made sure of that tonight when I lied to her about the first time I’d seen her at the open house.

He grinned, and it wasn’t one of his fun, happy-go-lucky ones. It was a grin that said you deserve the shit you are about to hear. “Yeah, that’s right. I love her. And you’re a pussy for not acknowledging you’ve got feelings for her, too.”

I rubbed my jaw and stared into those eyes that looked so much like mine. I hated the words coming out of his mouth, but isn’t this what I needed? For Nora to leave me and find some nice guy?

But not Sebastian.

He snorted at my silence. “You don’t deserve her, Leo.”

I ignored him, and with both of us silent, it seemed to take forever to get to Highland Park. The GPS led me past sprawling mansions and impeccably maintained park-like yards. Eventually, I turned onto a street that had two large gothic style columns, I guess marking the beginning of her neighborhood. I wondered what it would be like to grow up here with whatever you wanted at your fingertips. Yet it hadn’t done Nora any favors. Then, I thought about the small house I’d grown up in, the one mom and dad had sweated to pay for. We’d been a happy family in that house.

“Which one?” I asked, wondering when he’d been there. What else did I not know about Sebastian and Nora? Had they slept together?

He pointed at a chateau-looking house. I parked at the curb across from it, hoping the cops didn’t show up.

“Call her,” I told Sebastian, thinking we should have already tried. He called, but she didn’t answer. He typed out a text, and we waited, but she didn’t respond.

I leaned my head back against the cool leather of the headrest and sighed. True, she might already be home, tucked in all safe and sound, but I needed to know for sure, even if it meant staying here all night.

Sebastian spoke. “You know, mom and dad may have died when I was young, but I still remember stuff they told me, like the story of when they met. Do you know the one I mean? At the music festival?”

I nodded, thinking back to how Dad loved to tell us stories. “Yeah, they were both seventeen and as soon as dad saw mom dancing, he said he loved her.”

“Exactly,” Sebastian said. “And you know what I remember most about that story? It was how his face looked when he told it. Like all soft and shit.”

I glanced at him in surprise because yeah, I remembered how crazy my parents had been about each other, but I’d never thought Sebastian would.

He sighed. “And from that day on, they were always together, like it was meant to be. I hope I find the same thing someday, and I hope you do.”

I shook my head. “All I need is you, little brother. Nobody else.”

He nodded. “If that’s really true, and you’re giving up on love, then leave Nora alone. If you can’t commit, then let someone else have a shot.”

I couldn’t answer. Fuck me, did he mean himself?

An hour later, we watched as Nora’s white Volvo pulled into the drive of her house. I cranked the car, and we drove home, Sebastian deep in thought, and me . . . I was miserable.

“When I was a four, I thought Mother was a goddess.

When I was fourteen, I knew she was a monster.”

–Nora Blakely

AFTER I’D FLED the gym, I drove to a local diner where I planned to drown myself in buttery pancakes and crisp bacon. I sat myself at a cracked vinyl booth and picked up the greasy menu being held up by the napkin dispenser. A few minutes later, the waitress approached with a little smile and a pair of old orange flip-flops. I stared at them in confusion.

“Hon, these were left here a while back, and well, I thought you might want them. Technically, we can’t serve you if you don’t have any shoes,” she said with a gentle Southern twang.

I blinked in surprise, looked down and saw bare feet that were covered in dirt from the parking lot of the gym and the restaurant. And so. It was settled. I’d officially teetered over from barely holding it all together to losing it completely. Sign me up because I was ready to be committed. I had no shoes, borrowed clothes on, blood on my elbows, tangled hair, and a tear-streaked face. Oh, and no Leo, no soulmate, no mister right, no true love, no beloved. I sucked.

I tried to remember where I’d left my shoes, and then I dimly recalled leaving them in Sebastian’s car. “I lost my shoes,” I told her nametag, not wanting to see the pity that must be in her eyes. “Thank you,” I said, taking them from her and slipping them on.

She smiled sweetly and nodded like it happened all the time. I sat there with borrowed flip-flops and ordered my late-night breakfast, intending on savoring every delicious morsel before I went home.