An older couple walked by, glancing at us and smiling as they passed our aisle.

He rubbed his jaw. We stared at each other, and I saw the bleakness in his expression. I shook my head, feeling the finality of it in my bones. I wanted to howl; I wanted to scream. No, no, no. I could never say goodbye to him forever. Not yet and not here in this dusty room of old books.

Why didn’t he love me, too?

Why did they call it heartbreak, when it felt like my entire body was dying?

“Please, don’t be sad,” he said brokenly, looking as sick as I felt.

This is hell, I thought, living my life without my soulmate.

I closed my eyes to block out his face, the pain tearing into me so brutally I knew I’d never completely be over him. I’d given him my heart, and he’d given right back. I reached out and ran my fingers around his swollen lips. He kissed them lovingly.

“Maybe in the next life,” I whispered to him and walked back upstairs to Drew.

“As soon as forever is gone,

I’ll be over you.”

–Nora Blakely

WHEN I WOKE up the next day, I didn’t realize it would be one of the worst days of my life. As I drove to school, it seemed like a normal October morning, except it was a tad chilly for Texas. The weatherman had predicted a low of forty degrees tonight, plus a big meteor shower was supposed to streak through the sky around midnight. Strange things were brewing.

Drew and I made plans to hang out on the roof of the shop to watch, and after much thought, I’d also decided tonight was the night for us, the night I’d give myself to him.

After school, I’d gone to work at the gym and it was the usual: clients signing in, answering membership questions, handing out towels, and typing in the computer.

Practice was the same; Leo staring and me trying to ignore.

Everything changed the moment I walked across the darkened street to the shop, anxious to get inside and freshen up before Drew arrived.

I was headed straight to the front door, keys in hand, when I glanced over and saw a figure leaning against my car which was parked in the alley next to the shop. The street light was on the other side of the street, so I couldn’t see him clearly, but I knew who it was. I smiled, put my keys in my pocket, and walked toward him.

“Hey, you,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears, knowing I looked a sweaty mess from practice, but was flattered he couldn’t wait to see me. “You’re not supposed to be here for another hour,” I chided.

“I’d wait forever for you, sis,” I heard him say as he stepped out of the shadows and into the dim moonlight. He grinned. “You were expecting someone else?”

My sheet music and purse slid to the ground as I stood there, rooted in fear. I peered wildly around the street, but it was deserted. No one was here to save me. My lungs burned for air, and I gasped out, forcing myself to take a breath. The voice inside my head screamed and screamed, urging me to run and hide, but I was immobile, not able to make my body obey the simple command.

He staggered toward me until only a few feet separated us. “Ah, don’t look like that. I’m not going to hurt you. It’s just . . . I told you to call me, and you didn’t. What else did you think I would do?”

He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket and lit one, his long fingers cupping the light so it didn’t blow out in the wind. And still I couldn’t make my legs work.

“See, you forced me to come here. You did this,” he snapped, his voice escalating at the end.

I blinked, the familiar tone of his voice grating over my skin, making me shake, making me want to vomit. My muscles drew up, preparing for his attack, for the cold, rough hands he’d use on my body. Blood rushed to my head, and my heart pounded erratically. I bent over and grabbed my stomach, fighting the panic attack I felt coming.

“Is that anyway to greet a brother?” he whined, whipping off his leather jacket and tossing it to the ground at his feet. He kicked it out of his path. I quaked inside at the action, my body begging for air, concentrating on breathing evenly. God help me, I needed control. I had to be able to fight back.

“Did you really think you could move out of our house? Get away from her? You can’t,” he said, laughing a weird sound, like his insides were all twisted up. “I moved to Houston, and I can’t. We’re both fucked up, Nora. We need each other.” He unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up the sleeves of his designer shirt methodically, a resigned expression on his face. On his forearm, I saw the jagged lines of his scar and remembered that horrible last time when he’d picked the lock to my bedroom. How he’d slipped inside, humming a little song under his breath, like he was fine, like he was normal, like it was an everyday thing to want to hurt your sister.

“I told you and told you to call me, but you didn’t. I sent you the pictures to show you that I don’t care anymore who knows. And you didn’t answer me, Nora. Not one time. How much trouble is it to call me?” He fiddled around in his trouser pockets and pulled out a length of rope. “Can’t have you trying to cut me now, can I?” he smirked, slapping the rope against his leg.

I stared at him numbly and fell to my knees, my legs useless like wet noodles.

“This is her fault. She never loved us, but I’m going to make us all better. Fix it so that she can’t mess with us anymore, make us into animals.”

“I’m not an animal,” I managed to choke out. “I got away. I’m not bad. I’m good, and I’ll be happy some day.”

He roared with jarring laughter, tossing his head back to the dark sky. “Never knew you were such a jokester, sis,” he said darkly, looking down at me, his brown eyes filled with emptiness.

I bowed my head and started praying.

“I’m going to take you far away from all this,” he said, waving the rope in the air. “Where we can be a perfect family, just me and you.”

“Where?” I wheezed out, recognizing the desolation on his face for what it was. Hadn’t I been close to that point once? Hadn’t I dreamed of ending it all?

He bent over, got in my face, and wagged his finger. “Ah, such a curious little girl.”

I flinched at the stench of stale alcohol on his breath. I licked my lips, bracing myself. “Why . . . why don’t you come closer so I can give you a hug, brother,” I panted, my right hand reaching behind my back, feeling for the dropped purse. “I . . . I missed you, too,” I said, my usually nimble fingers thick with fear as I eased the strap closer and closer.