The words almost made it out this time. It didn’t matter. She knew anyway, and despite her wet eyes, she smiled.

“Say it again,” he said.

“I love you. Even if you don’t deserve me.”

“I don’t.”

“You kind of do.” She stood up and hugged him and kissed him again, sending him off with a smile and a pat on the ass, despite her wet eyes.

Next time, he promised himself. Next time he would definitely say the words. And next time, he’d tell her about her father and Gail.

* * *

EXCEPT HE DIDN’T.

How do you break someone’s heart? How do you ensure that someone never sees her father the same way again? He just couldn’t do it.

So he told himself it wasn’t his business. Maybe the affair had blown over by now, anyway. It was the right thing to do, he told himself. Even if agreeing with Pete O’Rourke made him feel unclean. It wasn’t his job.

If his conscience knew that was bullshit, Lucas nonetheless stayed mute on the subject. His arguments for doing nothing sounded good enough. For two months, he tried not to think about it.

One April night, he sat at the front desk at the trading firm where he was one of the night security guards, attempting to read a textbook on commercial torts in anticipation of law school, and instead listening to Bernard detail his conquest the weekend before.

“So she’s all this and that, right? But I just keep looking at her, she’s so hot, let me tell you, a body that would make Jesus weep, okay? And so all these guys, they’re trying to get her number or dance with her, but I just stare, and she’s all, ‘Hey, what you looking at, asshole?’ and I’m like, ‘I’m looking at nothing,’ and she’s all pissy now, right, and—”

Mercifully, because these stories tended never to end, a banging came on the front door of the lobby, despite the fact that it was after ten.

“Isn’t that your girlfriend?” Bernard asked. “Man, you been cheating on her or something? Yikes. That, or she’s pregnant, dude.” It was Colleen, clad in a sweatshirt, jeans, flip-flops and a Yankees hat. She was crying.

Lucas ran over, punched in the code for the door, and she hurled herself into his arms, her face unrecognizable with grief.

“Mía, what happened?” he asked, holding her hard.

“I didn’t know what to do,” she sobbed. “I couldn’t talk on the phone...so I just came here, I drove all day...he...my...”

“Is it Connor? Is he okay?” Oh, God, if something happened to her twin, it would kill her. Literally, maybe.

“No,” she managed, her voice strangled. “It’s my father. He—he’s...”

“Is he hurt?” he asked, picturing Smug Pete lying in a hospital bed.

“He’s—he’s...” He heard her take a shaking breath, then another. She pulled back and wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands. “Lucas, he’s divorcing my mom! He has some whore on the side, and she’s pregnant!”

“Gail?” he asked.

Huge. Fucking. Mistake.

She blinked up at him, her face changing. “How...how do you know her name?”

He took a breath. The damage was done—time to face the music. “I saw them at the airport a while ago. He, uh...he introduced me.”

Bernard grimaced and tiptoed a safe distance away to the bank of elevators where he’d probably eavesdrop.

The innocent distress that had painted Colleen’s face a minute ago slid off, and in its place came a horrible nothingness.

She took a step away from him.

“You knew?”

Well, shit. “Yes.”

She closed her mouth. Opened it. Closed it again, then spoke. “You saw them together, and you never told me?” Her voice bounced through the huge, vacant foyer.

“I didn’t know how to break it to you.”

“So you did nothing? Let me sit there like an idiot, thinking my father was the best guy in the damn world, and he was screwing another woman the whole time?”

“Colleen—”

“What was this? A man-to-man agreement or some such shit? You didn’t think I’d want to know about this?”

“Okay, look. I should’ve said something, and I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you’re sorry. Well, that’s fine, then. You’ve been lying to me for—how long? How long have you known? Specifically, Lucas.”

He grimaced. “Since February.”

“Since February?” The last word was a shriek. Bernard peeked around from the elevator banks again and shrugged, male sign language for Dude, if I could help you, I would, but you’re up shit creek, man.

Colleen’s breath was coming in gasps.

“Coll, I think you should calm down.”

Again, such a dickhead thing to say.

“I should— Wow. Wow, Lucas. Months! You’ve known for months! Did it ever occur to you that if you’d said something, maybe I could’ve stopped this? Maybe I could’ve talked to him, and he would’ve seen how wrong this was, and I wouldn’t have a baby brother or sister on the way right now, did that ever occur to you?”

“Colleen, if you’d just listen—”

“I would’ve loved to have listened a few months ago. Now, not so much.”

He took a deep breath. “Look. I know how you worship that guy. Okay? And I didn’t want to say anything, since this is exactly what would happen. You’d get hysterical.”

Dickhead thing to say. He winced and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. Folded her arms and looked out the window, her jaw hard. “I’m going home. Don’t call me.”

“Colleen, I didn’t mean to...” Here came the part where he would beg.

“In case it’s unclear, we’re breaking up.”

Her words sucker punched him in the gut. “What?”

“You have to go to law school, my family’s imploding, and maybe we’re not the people we think we are.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means,” she barked, even as tears spurted out of her eyes, “that I thought you were the kind of person I could trust! But no, Lucas, you’ve been keeping this huge secret from me, and it’s about my family and my father, but you decided who gets to be told and who gets to stay in the dark!”

“Colleen, just—”

“I thought we were close, I thought, despite the fact that you’re struck mute half the time we’re together, that you loved me! But maybe you don’t! Maybe I’m just a habit you don’t know how to shake. Same as my father can’t shake my stupid, oblivious mother, right?”

“No, Colleen, that’s not how it is at all.”

“Yeah? Well, do you want to get married, then?” Her breath was ragged.

You have the right to remain silent. “Yes. Eventually.”

“I see. Well, I want to get married sooner than eventually.” She jammed her hands on her hips, and for the first time, Lucas felt a stir of anger.

“So you’re blackmailing me, is that it?” he asked. “I screwed up, I was trying to protect you—”

“Don’t even go there. Do you want to marry me, or don’t you? Do you want to play the field? Is that it?”

“Colleen, come on.” He tried to take her hands, but she stepped back. “There’s no one but you, okay? But if you’re asking if I want to get married now, at the age of twenty-two, the answer is no. I don’t want to live above some garage, I don’t want the hassle that goes along with getting married, not to mention staying married. Not right now. I just don’t, Colleen. I’m sorry about your father, but...no.”

She was quiet for a few seconds. “Take care, Lucas.”

And with that, she walked out, and he stood there like an idiot, her words surreal, hanging in the air like a noose.

“Jesus, man,” said Bernard. “She’s feisty.”

Lucas bolted after her. “Colleen, this is stupid. We don’t have to break up.”

“Yes, we do,” she said, yanking open the door of her Honda. “If you think of being married to me as a hassle, we do. Now, I’m sorry, but I have a ten-hour drive.”

“Colleen, don’t be irrational.” On such a roll tonight, really. But honestly, she couldn’t issue an ultimatum just because she was upset. That wasn’t how things worked.

“You had a choice. You made it. Goodbye.”

Nice. Did she think he was about to drop to his knees and say, “Yes, baby, whatever you want, just don’t leave me.” For the life of him, she looked as if she was about to rip his heart out of his chest and eat it like an apple. “You’re acting like an idiot,” he said.

“That’s great,” she answered. “Who could resist such tender and beautiful words? Really. I’m all choked up. Fuck you, by the way.”

She got in the car, slammed the door and threw it in gear, laying down some rubber as she left. Screeched around the corner.

He pulled out his phone and texted her. Slow down and call me later. We’re not done.

She may have slowed down. She didn’t call.

He called her the next day. When it went to voice mail, he hung up and called the house. Connor answered.

“Is Colleen around?” he asked.

“We’re kind of in the middle of something,” Connor said tightly.

“Yeah. She told me. Uh...can you have her call me?”

“I’ll tell her you called.” Connor hung up.

Fine. She was mad, he understood. She could call him when she wanted to. But he wasn’t going to marry her because she ordered him to or as some kind of Band-Aid; he’d marry her when they could have a good life together. That had always been the plan, and she knew it.

Colleen had never gone without. Lucas had. He remembered his sister at the age of sixteen, spending hours to get across town, taking three buses to the store that had double coupons once a month. He remembered knowing not to ask for seconds because whatever was left over would be tomorrow’s dinner, too. He’d been poor, and he’d seen what a lack of money had driven his father to do, and he was damned if he’d bring Colleen into that life.

As for the situation with her father...that was wretched. He knew this must be killing her, and the only thing he wanted was to help. But he’d called her, and she didn’t want to talk, so it was her move.

A week later, Colleen hadn’t called him.

Fine. She wanted to take a break, fine, that was great. Smart, even. She had shit going on, and so did he. Classes. Finals. He’d be going to Loyola for law school. Stephanie had found another, slightly nicer apartment and needed him to help her move. Maybe Colleen would realize that all or nothing wasn’t the way to play this. Maybe she’d miss him.

It took him a month to snap.

He took a bus to Manningsport and got there at nine-thirty that night with a massive headache from diesel fumes and the rose perfume of the old lady next to him, who hadn’t stopped talking since Terre Haute. He stood for a minute on the green, breathing in the clean air, the smell of the lake and recent rain. The town was quiet, and it took a minute for Lucas to acclimate from the roar of the Greyhound bus, the squeal of its brakes.

The Black Cat was open.

Despite thirteen hours of thinking of nothing else, Lucas suddenly wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Hopefully, when she saw him, she’d give him that smile and say, “It took you long enough, idiot,” and all was fine with the two of them, and yes, marriage now wasn’t the best idea, of course she’d wait. She loved him. And this time, he’d tell her the same thing.

Still, he hesitated, not sure if walking through the door was the best plan. From the green, he could see the bar was crowded. Probably, being May, there was some kind of wine thing in town, as there was most weekends during the spring and summer (and fall, and half of winter). Sure enough, there were plenty of out-of-state license plates on the cars parked in the street.

Maybe she wasn’t even there. Maybe he should go to her house and throw pebbles at her window, like he had the summer after high school graduation.

He’d take a look inside, see if he caught a glimpse of her.

The windows on the side of the bar showed the pool table and a little open area where people sometimes danced. And sure enough, Colleen was there, and his heart lurched so hard he staggered a little.

She was talking to some guy he didn’t recognize, and she was laughing, and God, he’d missed her so much, he’d forgotten how beautiful she was even if he had a dozen pictures of her, and it was so stupid that they’d gone twenty-nine days without—

Then she kissed him. The guy who made her laugh.

Really kissed.

As in, kissing.

Lucas stepped back. Kept looking, though.

The guy’s hand went to her ass.

She didn’t move it.

He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to kill that guy, unleash his South-Side talents and go for it. Grab her by the hand and drag her out of there and remind her just who she belonged to, and yes, beg her to take him back.

She wasn’t supposed to need reminding. She loved him. So she said, anyway.

The kiss ended, thank God. Another smile. She laid her hand on his chest and said something, giving him that grin—the grin that promised so much, that Lucas had seen countless times, slightly knowing and...and...

Almost without realizing it, he was walking. Past the library. Past the other restaurant. Post office, candy store, antiques, antiques, bakery.