I start walking away. I need to get out of here, to go back upstairs where I can isolate myself. I told myself I wanted to help her, to make her into the mechanic she wanted to be. To protect her.

But I was lying to myself.

I offered to help her because I want to be close to her. I want to be near her every chance I get, not because of Trey or anyone else.

She’s here for a different reason.

She’s here to accomplish things that Trey told her she couldn’t do, what we all told her she couldn’t do. She’s here to convince me to go back to Fremont. She’s not here because she wants to be close to me.

I’m such an idiot.

“Where are you going?” she calls out.

I need to keep my distance from her. If I don’t, I’ll be tempted to tell her how I feel. I’ll be tempted to pull her into my arms. “I need some air.”

“Stop trying to escape.” She tries to look me in the eyes. “You’re not worthless, Vic. You have feelings. Express them instead of keeping them inside.”

“I can’t.” Because expressing my feelings means betraying Trey. Instead, I tell her, “I have no feelings.”

She’s staring boldly up at me now. I expect her to convince me that I’m better off expressing myself or going back to school. I expect her to tell me how I need to help the football team. I expect her to get angry that I’m not living up to anyone’s expectations, including hers.

But she doesn’t.

Instead, she gets on her toes and grabs my hair. “You do have feelings,” she mumbles before urging my head down while she brushes her soft lips against mine. “And I’m going to prove it to you.”

Dios mío.

I’ve kissed Monika a thousand times in my thoughts. I never imagined it would be like this… her soft wet lips on mine, her hands tangled in my hair, and her sweet breath mingling with mine.

My body is reacting to this, to her. She’s always had a spell on me, but I knew I could never have her because of my loyalty to Trey.

Oh, hell. This is not happening.

But it is.

And I don’t want to stop it.

All my worries and thoughts disappear. The only thing I’m focused on is the here and now. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this kind of inner peace, it’s a shock to my system.

She moans as her mouth opens and her tongue reaches out for mine. I can feel the hot electricity running through my melting veins when our tongues meet and slide against each other in a slow and sensual dance. She tastes so damn good I could do this for hours—or forever.

This must be what heaven tastes like.

I reach up and cradle her head in my palm, caressing the back of her neck with my thumb as we go at it like we’ve been starved for kisses our entire lives. It’s wet and slippery and sexual as hell. This is what my fantasies are made of. Just kissing her makes my body react uncontrollably.

“Oh, Vic,” she groans, her lips rubbing back and forth against mine. “I’ve been so lost. I need you.”

Shit.

She needs me?

Reality just slapped me in the face.

This is Monika, the girl who’s off-limits for so many reasons. I was responsible for my best friend’s death, and now I’m kissing his girlfriend. I’m breaking every rule, every code, every boundary that was ever created or thought of. I might want her more than I want to breathe, but that doesn’t matter.

It takes superhuman effort to lean away from her and break the connection.

“What are we doin’?” I ask, my voice completely raw with desire. “This is so fucked up. You’re Trey’s girlfriend, Monika. I killed him, and now I’m kissing his girl.” I swipe my lips with the back of my hand. “This is a mistake. It never happened.”

She looks up at me with those bright green eyes as she steps back. Those eyes quickly turn from passion to embarrassment.

“Okay,” she says, nodding. “It never happened.”

Chapter Thirty-eight

MONIKA

I want to tell Vic the truth, that he wasn’t responsible for Trey’s death.

I want to tell him that Trey and I broke up.

I want to tell him that Trey was doing drugs and cheating on me for a long time.

Trey’s body was compromised because of the drugs he was taking. Knowing the reality of what actually happened to Trey is weighing heavily on me.

You’re Trey’s girlfriend, Vic just said.

But I wasn’t his girlfriend.

I don’t want to taint Trey’s reputation, but holding the truth inside is killing me.