Isa laughs. “I’m not the one who’s drunk in an attempt to forget reality, Vic. You are.”

“Damn straight.”

“One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re wasting your life being afraid.”

Fuck that. “I’m not afraid of anythin’.”

“Uh-huh,” Isa says. “You keep tellin’ yourself that and one day you might actually believe it.”

Chapter Forty

MONIKA

The entire rest of the week, I avoid Enrique’s Auto Body. I get butterflies in my stomach wondering if Vic is going to call me, but he never does. Disappointment and hurt have settled into my chest and stayed there like a lump of cancer.

It was stupid to kiss him, but at the moment I just wanted to feel his strength and lean into his warmth. Okay, so I also wanted to connect with him emotionally—and physically. For the moment, I wanted to forget the past and only think about the present.

I’m so stupid.

I don’t go to the football game on Friday night. Instead, I sit home and lie in bed. I can’t stop thinking about Vic and how he looked at me after we kissed. He was horrified, as if my kiss changed everything and he needed to run away. We used to be friends who got along great. He’s always been brutally honest with me, even if it meant hurting my feelings.

Right now I’m craving that honesty. I’m craving the old Vic.

“You okay?” Mom asks me.

I shrug.

“Is this about Trey? Or is your arthritis acting up? We can ask them to increase your meds if—”

I sit up slowly. “I don’t need more meds, Mom. Really. And it’s not about Trey.” Surely I can’t tell her it’s about someone else.

The look of concern on her face makes me wish I didn’t feel like crap tonight. The truth is my body is aching, but it’s not like I can’t deal with it. I’m down and depressed because I’m having feelings for someone who doesn’t want me.

“Do you want to go to the movies with me and your dad?” Mom asks with a hopeful smile.

“No,” I tell her. “You guys need a date night. I’ll be fine.”

“What about calling a friend?”

“Everyone’s at the football game, Mom.”

“Oh. I forgot.” While I think she was relieved I quit the squad because she was concerned I was pushing my body too hard, now all my friends are busy during games, leaving me either a spectator or home alone.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. Go to the movies with Dad and have fun.”

“Okay,” Mom says. “But if you feel like you need someone, just text me. I’ll keep my phone on.”

“Okay.”

When my parents leave, once again I stare at the ceiling.

Chapter Forty-one

VICTOR

On Saturday I look in the mirror and think of my teammates. They lost again yesterday. I listened to the entire game on the local radio and cringed every time Fremont fumbled the ball or their receivers missed a catch. Monika thinks I have no clue what’s going on with the team, but I’ve been checking their stats weekly.

It’s my fault they’re losing.

I wish I could talk to the team, to tell them to play smart and stop overanalyzing every play. I want to tell them to win in Trey’s memory, that if their heart was in it as much as their heads they’d demolish other teams on the field.

But I can’t tell them anything. I’m probably the most hated guy at Fremont. Just like Monika must hate me. I close my eyes and think about all the time we’ve spent together. Just the thought of her is comforting.

Even though I just solidified the fact that she’ll never look at me the way she did right after she kissed me. She’d said she needed me.

She’ll never have a clue how much I need her.

Chapter Forty-two

MONIKA

“Get up.”

It’s Saturday night, and I was planning on staying in bed all night playing games on my phone. That was until Ashtyn and Bree came barging into my house.

Bree is standing over me with a cupful of water in her hand. “I said, Get up, Monika. Now.”

I put the covers over my head. “Why?”

Ash pulls the covers off me. “Because we’ve decided that you’re going to Club Mystique with us.”

I shake my head. “No. I can’t go clubbing. Not tonight.” Maybe not ever. I don’t want to dance or listen to music. We used to go there all the time. Club Mystique lets minors inside, but unless you have an “OVER 21” wristband, they won’t serve you alcohol. That never matters. When Ash, Bree, and I are together, we don’t need to drink to tear the place up and have tons of fun.