She had no idea how she got to her car, but suddenly, she was driving toward Rolling Green’s Cemetery. Her stomach was churning and tears rolled relentlessly down her checks as the guilt threatened to suffocate her. Then a fresh wave of horror hit as she wondered if Connie had noticed the wedding ring on her finger. First, she’d missed Brett’s birthday, and then, she hadn’t even had the courtesy to tell the Morgans that she had gotten married. She and Jake might still be in the process of figuring what their relationship status would entail, but she still should have warned them. She didn’t want them to hear about it from someone else. They’d be so hurt.

   As she turned into the serene grounds that were Brett’s final resting place, Lydia parked in the first space that she came to and flew out of the car. I forgot the flowers, she thought hysterically. But she didn’t want to turn back now. She’d bring them back later. His tombstone was located near a gorgeous crape myrtle tree. The blooms were vibrant pink and attempted to bring cheer to an area that normally knew only sorrow. Lydia liked to think that he enjoyed the beautiful blooms that covered the area around his grave.

   Her hands were shaking as she found a grassy spot next to his headstone and sat down, not caring if she ruined the dress she was wearing. “I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. So much is going on that you don’t know about, but that’s no excuse. Brett, you were the most important person in my life for so many years. We grew into the adults that we wanted to be together. And if not for cancer taking you away, we’d be married right now and possibly even have a family. But we didn’t get that,” she sobbed. “Instead, I’ve married a man I don’t know to help him keep his daughter. I know that’s not something you can understand because I’ve never been an impulsive person. But the night it happened, I was sad and so lonely. One of my best friends had gotten married and I kept thinking it should have been us. Jake—that’s his name—was going through problems of his own. And we’d both had too much to drink. I ended up marrying him that night, and even though he tried to make it right, I’ve committed to staying with him and helping him keep his daughter. If you could see Casey, you’d understand that she’s worth it. And Jake is a wonderful father to her.”

   Leaning her head sideways until it rested against the cold stone, she whimpered, “I shouldn’t be telling you all of this. I was supposed to be your wife, not his. But not only were you my fiancé, you were also the best friend I have ever had. I’ve been so lost without you to share everything with. Even if you’re disappointed or angry over what I’ve done, I hope a part of you will, at least, try to understand how alone I’ve felt since you left. As much as you tried to prepare me for a life without you, I still barely kept my head above water some days. Instead of living the way you wanted me to, I hid away thinking no one would understand or care what I was going through. And for a while, I was mad at others for being happy when I was so miserable. I didn’t understand why they were given everything they wanted, and you were ripped away from me. One of my biggest mistakes was in hiding how I was feeling from my friends and family. They thought I was doing so well, but I wasn’t. I went to work each day and said the right things then came home at night and curled into a ball of misery until it was time to do it all over again. I always had a ready excuse to avoid any socializing or interaction outside of my job. I did this for three years, Brett. Then Crystal Webber became my assistant at Danvers, and she was going through a divorce. I could tell the first time I looked into her face that she was dealing with a lot more than a broken marriage. So over the next few months, she and I bonded somewhat and I was finally doing small things like going to a movie or to dinner. I don’t know if I’ve ever told her how much credit she deserves for breaking through the shell I’d constructed around myself.”

   Wiping her face with her sleeve, she continued, “As I began opening up to her, other parts of my life seemed to come alive as well. For the first time since you were gone, I was feeling something beyond grief again. I saw blue skies where there had only been gray. The world was slowly gaining some vibrancy, and even as I wanted to revel in it, I also felt guilt that you weren’t here to experience it with me. It was a slow process, but I was starting to find myself again. Although I still didn’t really know the me without you. Then one day, I met Jacob Hay when my car wouldn’t start.”

   Laughing, Lydia looked up at the darkening sky. “I know you were always on me about car maintenance. But at least, that time, Jake was around and he took care of it for me. Nothing happened after that, though, before that night at the wedding. I mean I thought about him, but I didn’t have the nerve to seek him out.” She wondered if it would have been any different if she had followed up on their first meeting. Somehow, she thought not. In a way, it seemed as if they were destined to be the last two people sitting at the table that night, completely lost in their own misery.

   Lydia thought she must be insane, but she felt as if she couldn’t leave the cemetery without letting Brett know everything that was happening with Jake. She believed she owed him that much. He had encouraged her to find love again, although she had scoffed at the idea before his death. She hoped that if he could hear her words, maybe it would bring him peace to know that she was trying to do as he asked. She might have gone about the whole thing backward, but she was still putting herself out there and Jake was beginning to respond. “So today, Jake asked me out on a date and he was so adorably flustered while he was doing it. After my attempt at a relationship talk the previous night and his avoidance, I was quite surprised and thrilled that he came to me. But then I ran into your mother and she told me I’d missed your birthday and . . . I just lost it, Brett. It kills me to think of that day passing three days ago and, God, I’m so ashamed to say that I didn’t notice. I don’t know how long it would have taken me had your mother not found me.” And with that confession, Lydia was once again sobbing. She felt that by forgetting such an important day, her memories of Brett were also slipping through her fingertips. Even sitting here now, she could no longer picture the curves of his face accurately. Was his jaw square? Rounded? Once, she could have drawn it from memory without a second’s thought, but now, it was beginning to get fuzzy and that was enough to throw her into a panic. I’m losing the last part of him that I had. Soon, he’ll only be a shadow in my mind.