I replay Mrs. Bennett grabbing my arm that day when I ran out of Zack’s house. She demanded to know what I was doing there. Did she know who I was? Did Zack know who I was the whole time too?

I agonize over the unknown every minute of every hour of the remaining trip. In the end, the only thing that I’m sure of is that my heart is broken.

Chapter 39

Zack

She never showed up for school, or for our date. At first I thought maybe she was scared. Afraid to go through with what we had planned for last night. But she didn’t answer my calls or my texts, so eventually I went to her Aunt’s house. She looked upset, but said Nikki had found out some information about her Mom that morning and probably needed some alone time.

I remember needing time away from everyone and everything after Emily died, wanting to take a time out from the world. So I went back home. I was upset she didn’t come to me; I would have helped her. Or even just held her if that’s what she needed. We didn’t have to go through with our plans.

But now it’s morning and I still haven’t heard from her and my worry has turned to panic. What the hell is going on? So I’m back at her Aunt’s house at six am. I just want to know she’s home and safe. She doesn’t even need to talk to me.

I ring the bell twice but no one answers. There’s a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach and every minute that passes I know something is really wrong. Her Aunt’s car is in the driveway, so I know she’s home. I wait a few minutes to give her time— maybe she needs to get dressed and get to the door. But no one comes. My heart beats so loudly with anticipation, I feel like it might come through the wall of my chest. I wait more, still no one comes. So I start banging. Pounding so hard the door begins to loosen from the hinges. Still no answer. So I start yelling. “Open up the door! Open up the goddamn door!” Two neighbors come out in robes before the door finally opens.

Aunt Claire’s face is swollen like she’s been crying and she steps aside and motions for me to come in.

“Where is Nikki?” I demand, heading down the hall to her room before she has time to respond. I swallow hard finding it empty. Something deep inside of me knew it would be.

“Where is she?” I scream. Aunt Claire’s shoulders jump from the anger in my voice and tears start flowing down her cheeks. I rake my hands through my hair, tugging harshly at the roots.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. But where is she? Is she okay?” Anger and panic twist a knot in my stomach, leaving me feeling like I might be sick. If anything has happened to Nikki I don’t know what I’ll do. Fuck, I love that girl. More than anything. Please God, let her be okay.

“Sit. Zack. I’ll put on some coffee. We need to talk.”

***

An hour later my mind is still racing. I’m not sure what emotions I feel. I’m….numb; in shock, undoubtedly. “Why didn’t you tell her yourself?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself the same question over and over for the last twenty-four hours. Why did I let it come from some woman she doesn’t know in a cold government office?” She buries her face in her hands. “When she moved in, I thought she was fragile, I wasn’t sure she could handle anything more. She was so close to her Mother, I didn’t want to spoil the memories she was trying to find a place for in her heart with secrets.”

“She isn’t fragile,” I tell her, defensiveness in my tone.

“I know that now. Once I got to know her…really know her…I realized that. She’s probably the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“And why didn’t you tell her then?”

“Because by then she had found some happiness.” She pauses. “She found you, Zack. And I was afraid of what telling her would do to both of you. You’ve both been through so much.”

“Does Dr. Bennett know she was living here?” So many random questions whirl through my mind. I’m not sure why I ask, but I suddenly remember Nikki’s reaction to seeing him the first time in my yard. She recognized him, but wasn’t sure who he was.

“He does now. I went to talk to him at the hospital last night when Nikki didn’t come home. He’s upset. It’s complicated. He was Nikki’s mother’s doctor and she was very young. But he loved her. He wanted to be with her and his girls. But my sister’s disease made her irrational. She wouldn’t even let him help. When she stopped taking her medications, she really believed he was going to steal Nikki. He did the best he could with Nikki. It was all she would allow him to do.”

“Was he married to Mrs. Bennett when he and Nikki’s mother were together?”

“Yes.”

“Does Mrs. Bennett know Emily has a sister?”

“She does. She hated my sister. I’m glad she never got to meet Nikki, she would have filled her head with vile things about my sister,” she says remorsefully.

It’s just so much to take in at once. I need to clear my head, figure this all out. I stand to leave. “You’re sure she’s safe in Texas?”

She nods. “Her friend Ashley promised she’d keep in touch. She won’t tell me much, only that she’s upset. But at least I know she’s safe.”

“Are you going to call the police?”

“There’s not much they can do. She’s eighteen now.”

“When did she…” I remember I don’t need to ask her birthday. I already know. It’s the same as Emily’s.