I walk to the door, and turn back with one last question, even though I know she doesn’t have the answer. “Why didn’t she come to me?

***

Mom opens the front door before I can even turn the key.

“Zack, I’ve been trying to call you.”

“What’s wrong, Mom?” She has that worried face I’ve come to dread.

“Dr. Bennett is here.”

“Here?”

“Yes. He wants to speak to you.”

I walk into the kitchen and find Dr. Bennett waiting. He looks anxious. Seeing him makes me angry.

“What do you want?” I seethe.

“Zack!” Mom’s appalled.

“It’s okay, Jane. Zack’s upset and he has every right to be.”

Mom looks between me and Dr. Bennett. Neither of us offers anything more. She takes the hint. “I’ll leave the two of you alone to talk.” She turns to me. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”

I nod.

“You’ve spoken to Claire, I see.”

“I shouldn’t have had to.”

“It’s complicated, Zack.”

“Why do adults think everything is so complicated? You took advantage of Nikki’s mother and kept Nikki in the dark about having a sister. A twin sister.”

“I’m not proud of what I did. But I loved Nikki’s mother.”

“Did Emily know?”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you tell them?”

“It’s compli…” Dr. Bennett thinks better of his response when he sees my face.

“It wasn’t just the girls I needed to think about, Zack. Mrs. Bennett and Nikki’s mom had to be considered too.

“So you kept it a secret for your wife? I’m sure Mrs. Bennett was very concerned what other people would think.” My voice is laced with disdain. Not only for Dr. Bennett’s actions, but for Mrs. Bennett too. I never really cared for her much. All of the insecurities and materialism that weighed heavily on Emily were bred from her mother.

Dr. Bennett sighs. He’s smart. Knows there is no answer that will satisfy me.

“What did you come here for?” I ask impatiently.

“I need to ask you if you were in Emily’s room today?”

“What? No.” I pause. “I haven’t been in Emily’s room since before she…”

“Someone was in her room.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I came home to find her mirror broken.”

“Maybe it just fell over. That thing wasn’t even secured to the wall.”

“The patio door was wide open and a picture was ripped up next to the shards of glass.”

“What picture?”

“It was a picture of you and Emily. The one she kept on her mirror.”

I run through a visual slide show in my head. She had so many pictures, I can’t recall which was on the mirror. “Which picture was it?”

“You were on that 10th grade class trip up North to Angel’s Gate. You were standing in front of the lighthouse.”

***

I’ve been running for hours.

I’m lost, even though I know exactly where I am.

Grey clouds hang low in the sky mimicking how I feel.

Exhausted by emotion, my eyes sting from tears that never seem to run low.

A thousand thoughts race through my mind as I run.

I try to chase them away.

But the faster I run the faster they come.

So I try harder.

Each footstep reaches the pavement faster than the last.

The burn in my calves travels up through my legs but I keep going.

Faster and faster.

Desperate to chase away my thoughts.

My hands begin to shake.

My body begins to shake.

Eventually my legs give out and I fall to the ground.

Everything changes from warp speed to slow motion.

My body crashes against the concrete.

The momentum from the speed of my fall opens the skin on my knees, my elbow, my arms, my chin.

The pain feels good.

It drains the energy from my mind and finally, at least for a moment, I stop thinking.

Chapter 40

Nikki—

Brookside, Texas

“I totally don’t get the fascination,” Ashley shrugs as we settle in fifty feet up on top of the Brookside water tower. “Plus this thing is so rusted, I feel like we might fall over any second.”

“Look around, isn’t it beautiful?” I ask as I point down to the barren, sun burnt field, the sun beginning to set off in the distance.

“Honestly? I find it kind of creepy up here.”

“Creepy? What could be creepy about it?”

“I don’t know. It just feels sort of…” She struggles to find the right word. “Lonely.”

Maybe Ashley’s just picking up the vibe from me. Because that’s exactly how I’ve felt the last few days. Lonely. Even though Ashley’s been with me since I arrived back in Texas, sadness and loneliness consume me.

“How could you feel lonely when I’ve been such great company?” I bump my shoulder into hers and smile for the first time since I’ve been back. I’ve been miserable and we both know it.

“You’re kind of a drag,” she teases, even though it’s the truth.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Even though you suck for company, I’d still rather be here with you than back at the trailer park watching my mother’s spawn.”