“I’m working on it,” I tell him honestly.

“And do you remember when you told me to wake up and realize there’s more to live for?  I know you’ve seen some shit, Mad.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been able to hit so close to home with your words months ago.  You once told me to stop beating myself up over things I had no control over, and the Maddox Locke I know is no goddamn hypocrite, so I have to ask—are you done with your shit?”

I keep looking at his profile for a second, noticing for the first time just how nervous he was to throw all that out there.  Then, for the second time tonight, I throw my head back and laugh.

“Yeah, Asher.  You know what they say: YOLO.”

It’s pretty ridiculous that it takes a five-year-old kid to make me wake the hell up and take a chance.  Jesus, I can’t believe I just fucking said ‘YOLO.’

The Jeep swerves slightly when his head jerks in my direction.  “Did you just YOLO me?”

Still laughing, I reply, “Yeah, asshole.  Someone wise once told me that was the best way to live your life.”

He smiles sadly for a second, knowing damn well there was only one of our group who would ever willingly say YOLO.

The rest of the drive, we make small talk, but my nerves are too jumpy for me to really engage in any sort of conversation with him.  I know I have a long road to go.  I’m not instantly going to just be able to forget my past, but from this moment forward, I have to be willing to take a chance.  I have to take a chance at what Emmy has been offering me and pray that I’m making the right decision.  Because I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself if my demons make my angel fall.

“There’s the Charger,” he says, breaking the silence we adopted about five minutes ago.

“Yup.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“Nope, I’m good—but I’ll let you know if that changes,” I say, stepping down from the Jeep.  I turn back before I shut the door and let my lips tip up.  “Thanks for…everything.”

His eyes flash at the shock of my words.  “Yeah, any time.  If you need me, just call.”

I nod my head, shut his door, and stride to the elevators.  The garage is silent for the night, the majority of the tenants in the apartment complex home from wherever they’ve been—settled in for a night of relaxing.  Not me though.  Nope.  Tonight, I’m going to claim my woman for good.

It’s time to let my angel in and hope that she can really help me battle all of this shit I carry around with me like dead weight.

Chapter 18—Maddox

The first thing I notice when I step into my apartment is the silence.  Usually, I can always hear her tinkering around, even when she isn’t doing anything physically.  Her soft singing, the pages of her book turning, or even the humming noises she makes when she’s asleep.

Cat greets me at the door with a deep meow, as usual.  We’ve developed some weird friendship.  Emmy used to laugh and say that Cat could recognize someone who needed a friend.  Oh how right she was.  I scratch Cat behind the ears and set off to look for her owner.

“Em?”

Nothing.  A flash of apprehension over the situation starts to take over, but I push it aside and keep looking for her.  The apartment isn’t huge, but it’s large enough that she might not have heard me.

A few minutes later, I realize that she really isn’t here.  After walking into my bedroom, I sit on my bed and think about where the hell she could have gone.  She doesn’t have her car because we still haven’t gotten it back from the cabin.  I had Greg and Asher swing down and bring it back, knowing that, if I got anywhere near that place, I wouldn’t be leaving until there was blood on the ground.  Devon said that we could leave it there as long as we needed, and since he wouldn’t be back for a few weeks, I haven’t been in any kind of rush.  I liked having her dependent on me to get places.

With a deep sigh, I lean back and let my head hit the pillow—only to shoot back up when my head hits something besides the pillow.

I reach out with a shaking hand and pick up the note with my name written in Emmy’s flowing handwriting.  I don’t want to open it, dreading what could be inside, but if I have any hopes of finding her tonight, this would be where to start.

Dear Maddox,

I used to think that my love for you would be strong enough for both of us.  Some sort of weird platform that could hold anything you threw at me—and never break.  I know now that I was sadly mistaken.