She came into view with a wicked grin on her face. It wasn’t fake, but rather evil; this was going to be bad. “Alexandra, please join your father and I in the study.” She didn’t wait for any response; she knew I would follow her. I always did.

My legs shook as I went down the hall toward my father’s study. I didn’t associate his study with happy moments, but then again there wasn’t one room in this house that I associated with happy moments. The door was open and as I entered, I saw my father sitting in his chair looking at papers on his desk. It was like a knife in the heart; I hadn’t seen the man in months and he had yet to acknowledge me. My mother sat in one of the two leather chairs across from him and motioned for me to sit in the other. Every inch of my body was shaking as I sat down and looked at the tall, thin man before me. His hair was brown with grey along the sides. If we didn’t have the same eyes, people would have doubted we were related.

She cleared her throat. “Alexandra, your father and I are concerned about you. We think you’re making some very inappropriate decisions in your life and would like to help you get back on track.” The way the word help rolled off her tongue made me cringe. This wasn’t going to be about help or guidance; they were going to give me an ultimatum.

My father still hadn’t looked up from his desk, but I could see his face was stone cold; he showed absolutely no emotion. I could never read whether he agreed with her or just went along for the ride, but it was easier to just agree with her. “Okay,” I said, meekly. My chest felt tighter every moment I spent in here, but no one could save me from this one. I was stuck.

My mother pulled her lips into a firm straight line. “You will stop seeing that boy immediately. He has become an inconvenient distraction and you need to focus on your studies. Do you hear me, Alexandra?” I heard her. I heard her and I couldn’t think straight. I processed the words in my head a few times and each time stung worse than the one before. Tears threatened to fall, but I wouldn’t let them. I wouldn’t give them the pleasure of seeing the affect they had on me.

Something inside me snapped. “I love him. I couldn’t let him go even if I wanted to.” Please let them listen to me this once. Please. I have given up so much for them, but this one would break me.

My mother laughed. I wanted to upset her. I wanted her to feel something, but she laughed. “You don’t know what love is. That boy can’t give you anything; he has nothing.”

“He gives me more than anyone ever has. He gives….” I heard my father’s fist come down hard on his desk and looked up to see his eyes blazing and his brows furrowed. His facial expression drained all the confidence out of me as my body began to shake again.

He leaned forward in his chair and pointed his index finger right at me, never taking his eyes off mine, “You will get rid of that boy. You will bring your focus back to your studies and you will show your mother more respect.” I couldn’t say anything. My lips and mind were frozen. He continued, “If you refuse to follow our rules, Alexandra, there will be serious consequences.”

“Consequences,” I whispered. Consequences to some people meant losing their car or allowance. My parents liked to cut deeper. I could never bleed enough for them.

“If you continue down this path, we will revoke your car, monthly allowance, tuition payments and your trust fund privileges,” my father warned. My hands clenched the side of my chair until my knuckles were white. They wanted to completely cut me off because I was dating Dane. This was what I had been afraid would happen. I knew it would happen.

I decided to give rebellion on more shot. “I can get a job. Some students pay for their own tuition.” I sat up in my chair, trying to show mock confidence.

“Please, Alexandra, do you know how much it costs to go to NYU?” my mother mocked. “Do you know how much it costs to feed and clothe you? Don’t be stupid. Your father and I just want what is best for you and that isn’t Dan.”

“Dane,” I corrected her as I slid down in my chair, swallowing back tears.

“Whatever. You have one week to make this right. Do you hear me? If you go against our wishes, things will change dramatically for you starting next week.” I sat there, unmoving. I wanted to tell them they were wrong about Dane, but the words wouldn’t form. I looked at my mother who had a pleased smile on her face before turning toward my father whose angered expression caused me to quickly look away.

“You have been nothing but a disappointment lately. We know this boy is the cause of that. You’re different. You’re talking back to your mother, you show up at your sister’s reception looking like street trash and you aren’t focused. Why can’t you be more like Gwendolyn?” my father added. His words ripped through me. He rarely acknowledged my presence and the one time he did, this is what he had to say. He had said more in the last ten minutes than he had said in the last year. I needed to get out of here before they saw how much they affected me.

Why did they have to compare me to my sister all the time? She was like them. She lived her life doing what would make others happy, but inside I know she had to be miserable. Why couldn’t they accept me? My mind circled as the panic and tears built. I always wondered what it would be like to be buried alive and this must be it. I was trapped and no one could save me. No one would hear me.

After a few minutes of silence, I stood up to leave. I had nothing else to say to them and I didn’t want to hear anything else they had to say. Just as my hand hit the doorknob, my mother chimed in again. “You know, we had someone investigate Dane yesterday and they found some incriminating information. He is not someone that you want to associate yourself with. We can make his life difficult. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” I looked back at her and this time I couldn’t stop the tears that fell from my eyes. She just smiled; I hated her. I hated that my misery caused her so much enjoyment. I slammed the door and headed upstairs, locking myself in the bathroom. The tears continued as I fell to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs. I was mad and confused; I just didn’t know what to do. I shouldn’t be forced to make this choice. I wanted to choose Dane, but the little voice in my head kept reminding me what that would cost. I didn’t know if I could continue.

I was not sure how long I stayed locked in the bathroom, but when I returned to my bedroom Dane wasn’t there. My heart fell into my stomach. Where did he go? I turned to the hallway and saw his bedroom light was on. Part of me thought I should go over to his room and the other part of me wanted more time to think. Thinking won out.

I closed the door and walked to the window. The sun had disappeared behind the dark clouds. It was amazing how quickly the weather could change. I touched my fingers to the glass; it was cold and felt good against my fingers. I always liked the chill against my fingers; it reminded me I was alive on days I felt I was anything but.

I used to sit in the window seat in my room and stare outside for hours. I wondered what the family in the house across the street was doing. Was that family like ours? Did the parents kiss and hug their children? I would sit and imagine a life like that. The ones I watched on the Brady Bunch or the Partridge Family. Those moments always made me feel unworthy. Why did everyone have what I didn’t? What had I done to deserve this? I wanted love, but instead I had this. Life could be so unfair.

I was still deep in thought when I felt a hand cover mine where it rested on the window. I startled and looked behind me to see Dane standing there, eyebrows pulled in, concern all over his face. “How long have you been standing there?” I asked. His presence in front of me in nothing but pajama pants sent butterflies in motion throughout my stomach. I wondered if there would ever be a time when that didn’t happen with Dane.

“I’ve been in here the whole time,” he said, pointing to a chair in the darkest corner of the room. “You seemed to be thinking about something and I didn’t want to disturb you. What were you thinking about?” I let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.

“I was just thinking about life in general, I guess,” I said, not taking my attention away from the window.

“Do you care to elaborate? You looked pretty lost there for a minute.” He removed his hand and wrapped both arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my head. I relaxed back into him; he was my comfort.

“Do you ever wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a different family?” I asked. He seemed to contemplate that for a second.

“I have envied friends who grew up in happy families, but I also believe that my less than ideal upbringing made me who I am.” I turned around with a confused look on my face. His face was serious as he continued, “Sometimes when life hits you with too much, it makes you stronger and you learn from it. I know where I want to go while some of my friends don’t. Life has brought me maturity. I make my decisions based on who I don’t want to be, rather than whom everyone else wants me to be. I always want to be better. It took me time to see this, but it’s true.” If I didn’t completely love him before, this certainly sealed my fate. He was sexy, kind, and smart, wrapped up in one complete package.

I wrapped my arms around his waist as tight as I could without hurting him. I wanted to show him, to tell him I loved him in any way possible. It felt like there weren’t enough ways to tell him what he meant to me. I looked up at him, kissing his chin. “I guess I could learn a thing or two from you.”

His face lit up with a smile that could break one thousand hearts; I knew for damn sure it could break mine. “We’re adults now, Baby. When you become an adult, you get to choose your path. You take all the things you learned while you were on everyone else’s and use it to build your own, but it’s about where your heart wants to go. It’s all up to you.” I digested his words for a minute. He was right, but I wondered how that changes when you still have a very demanding tour guide. My mother was the tour guide from hell.

“It’s almost time for gift opening, I better get ready,” I said. I needed a hot shower and more time to think.