“Yeah. Me too.”

Escaping Fremont because of Trey’s death didn’t help anyone, including me.

It’s time to fix everything, even if it means sticking my tail between my legs. Before I can fix everything with Monika, I need to fix myself.

And going back home is the only way to do that.

When I walk up to Fremont High at six, I feel like a stranger. I haven’t been here in weeks, but it feels like forever. Looking over at the football field makes me itch to put on gear and play.

I knew Dieter would be in early, like always. “Hey, Coach,” I say as I knock on the open door to his office.

He puts down the papers in his hand and looks at me as if he’s staring at a ghost.

He doesn’t say anything, so I walk farther into his office. “I wanted to talk to you.” I think back to that day on the field, the day my best friend died. “I, um…”

Tears start forming in my eyes. Fuck.

I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

“Sit down, Vic.” He stands and closes the door.

When he’s back in his chair, I say what I came here to say. It’s so hard to get the words out. “I’m sorry for what I did to Trey. I’m so sorry. I… I… I didn’t mean to let you down, Coach. If I didn’t go after him so hard, he’d be alive. I screwed up and ruined this team.”

My tears are flowing now.

I can’t help it.

This man in front of me has been more of a father to me than my own blood. When I needed tough love, for over three years he gave it to me without insulting me or trashing me.

“Look at me, Victor.”

I do. I’d do anything for this man, who gives up so much of his own life for his players.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Dieter says, his eyes full of compassion. “Trey died of a heart attack.”

“If it weren’t for me comin’ after him so hard…” My voice trails off, because I don’t want to say it out loud.

“Vic, listen to me and listen good because I’m only gonna say this once. Trey died because of choices he made. Bad choices. I can’t go into details because it’s confidential information and Trey was still a minor.” He looks at me with a straight face. “But he would’ve died whether or not you made that hit. Do you understand what I’m telling you, son?”

His words sink in. Trey was on some kind of drugs and his body failed him. I know other guys talk about it from other schools, but I never in a million years thought my best friend would take drugs. Monika was right. Trey kept secrets even from me.

I nod. “Yes, sir. I understand.”

The sound of players coming in the locker room echoes through the walls.

“I’ve got to get to practice.” Dieter holds out his hand for me to shake. “It was nice seeing you again, Victor. I’m really glad you came, and if you need anything I’m here for you. Don’t be a stranger.”

He’s dismissing me.

“I’m coming back to school,” I tell him.

“That’s good news. Glad to hear it.”

His hand is still held out, waiting for me to shake it. I don’t.

“I want to play again, Coach. I want to prove to you and my teammates that I didn’t abandon them.”

He rubs his chin. “You’re behind in school, Vic. I don’t know if the administration will let you play. Besides, we’re on a big losing streak. You might not want to play for me anymore.”

With renewed energy, I stand. “I’m gonna play for you, Coach, even if I have to beat the crap out of every single administrator to do it.” When he raises a brow I add, “Just kiddin’. I’m gonna make this happen. I promise. We’re gonna win state. I promise, Coach. I can help the team. I know it.”

I shake Dieter’s hand vigorously, noting the triumphant smile on his face.

“Welcome back, Salazar.”

Chapter Fifty-two

MONIKA

Vic said I keep too many secrets from everyone. I hide who I really am from everyone, even my best friends.

I lie awake in my room and stare at the ceiling, wondering how many other teens are like me. I hide things to protect myself.

I don’t want to hide anymore. Maybe being vulnerable, the way I felt when I was with Vic the other night, should be the goal. Being vulnerable made me open up and be real. I don’t want to hide behind secrets anymore, whether they’re Trey’s or mine or Vic’s.

With a deep breath, I sit in front of my computer and set the computer’s camera to VIDEO.